In Lieu of Thrusting

No manjectification today. The thing that's got me the most smitten this week is a documentary—the most engaging film I've seen since Hanna. It knocked my socks off. I'm not even going to tell you what it's about or post a trailer. I'll just say it's called Marwencol, and that you should go find it on DVD, rent or buy it off iTunes, or view it on Netflix Instant Watcher. Go. Now.

Best Thing I've Seen Today

Recycling day is awesome.

Delightful!

Unnhhh…

Oh yes, to quote Ruthie Knox, unh… Unnnhhh, big time. Thanks to Zoë Archer for tweeting this decadence from Swoonworthy, as it's probably—no, it's definitely—the greatest poster for anything, ever. I saw the trailer for this movie a couple months ago and my loins promptly exploded, because, as anyone who knows me is aware, fighters do things to me. Things that make me unh. You're welcome to all the cowboys, the SEALs, and especially the billionaire tycoons, so long as you forward all the bruised and bloody, battered men straight to me.

Right, one last ogle then it's back to work on this new Blaze proposal…which, handily enough, is about a fighter. Unh.

Stuff that's awesome: Trailer Park Boys

Just wanted to put in a plug for Trailer Park Boys (2003–2008), the Canadian mockumentary-style comedy centered around the nefarious doings of the Sunnyvale Trailer Park's many residents. The show I think it compares most easily to is Reno 911…but TPB has more continuity and, dare I say it, depth. It's also got the most (and the most effective) running gags of any show I've ever seen, rivaled only perhaps by Arrested Development in quantity and quality. It's all about recurrence. Recurring tertiary characters, recurring jokes, recurring clothes, recurring jail sentences, recurring props (Julian's rum-and-coke, Ricky's car and oversize-hound's-tooth shirt, and Ray's piss jugs come immediately to mind for me). The show's many seasons and specials are all on Netflix Instant Watcher, so if you're a sad, deprived American (like me) do yourself a favor and get yourself hooked, now.

Quick warning—the video's full of swears.

PSA for Pale Gals

If you've met me, you know I'm about as pasty and cancer-prone as a person can get without actually crossing over into albinohood. I'm pale and peppered with the level of frecklage most people manage to ditch around age twelve, everyone but me and Minnie Driver. The underside of my forearms are blue. I've got light-colored eyes, which are meant to be a sign of low pigmentation, and if it weren't dyed, you'd be able to see that half my hair's already gone white, even though I'm thirty-two. I'm pale, yo.

Also if you'd ever met me, you'd know I'm a snot-bag about covert advertising. I hate being advertised to, especially sneakily. So it is with great hypocrisy and enthusiasm that I'd like to plug a couple products for my cave-fish-esque, pigmentally challenged brethren and sisterthresnthen.

First, Garnier Nutritioniste Moisture Rescue Lightweight UV Lotion. I used to be a devotee of Oil of Olay Complete, another facial moisturizer with SPF. I used it faithfully for at least ten years—I figured if I was doomed to burn and never tan, I'd take the hint and turn my curse into a preventative war against wrinkles—but finally had to admit that in the summer, Olay Complete is just too damn greasy. I'd tried a squirt of a similar Garnier product while visiting my mom last Christmas and was impressed by how lightweight it was, yet moisturizing even in the moisture-sucking New England winter. Well it does just as good a job at preventing sunburn, too.

Another oldie but goodie is Lubriderm's Daily Moisture Lotion with SPF 15. And actually, I use the CVS knock-off, which works just as well. I take long walks, and it's as effective for me as the same strength sunblock, without the greeeaziness that makes me long for a shower. Not as light and un-greazy as regular Lubriderm, but a very happy compromise. I went for a ninety-minute walk just now in the sizzling July sun, and I'm pinkness-free. It inspired me to write this post, so that's got to be worth something.

So give those a shot, my oily, pasty sisters. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Stuff that's good…

I spent so much of May in a rough mood, I wanted to write a post about stuff that's good. So without further ado, here are some awesome things.

1. A new season of The Bachelorette. My favorite guilty TV pleasure…until Instant Watcher posts another season of Celebrity Rehab, anyhow. I'm saving yesterday's episode for tomorrow afternoon, once I've hit my word count goal and tackled a bit of design freelance and wine o'clock rolls around. And whenever possible, I like to complement a new-sale bottle of champagne with an episode of The Bachelor or Bachelorette. I figure if I poison both my mind and body at once, they'll cancel each other out. So far this season I'm rooting for two of the dudes—West and JP. Not sure they've got the best chemistry with Ashley out of the whole group, but I hereby declare them my top-pick foxy front runners.

2. Neko Case. I've been listening to her 2006 album Fox Confessor Brings the Flood practically non-stop for the past month. Love love love. It's already right up there in my moody-folky-chick-rock favorites list beside Patty Griffin's Flaming Red and Tori Amos' Boys for Pélé.

3. Weekly writing goals. In just the past three weeks I've switched from daily word count goals to a weekly one. It's tough to predict whether I'll be able to churn out 4,000 words before lunch, or struggle all day to type a measly 500, so instead of saying, "I'm going to write 2,000 words every day this week," I'm saying, "I'm going to write 10,000 words this week." It's an ambitious number for me, but I try to take weekends off from writing and editing (work-life-balance and all that) so if I'm still a thousand words short on Saturday morning, I can play a little catch up. I think the key has been not capping myself at 2K for any given day, as I used to, as once I'd hit that number, I was off the hook, mentally clocked out for the rest of the day. Now I think, "I hit 2,000 easily. Better push for 3,000 in case tomorrow brings a word drought." It's working great so far, and I recommend it to other writers with fluctuating daily counts. A good month for me used to 30,000 words, and now I'm looking poised to bank about 45K.

4. Dog the Bounty Hunter's autobiography. Well, his second autobiography, anyhow. I'm just about done with Where Mercy is Shown, Mercy is Given. I grabbed it randomly from the library and checked it out without shame. It's not a literary masterpiece, but it's endlessly entertaining and surprisingly heartfelt.

5. No sugar = I lost three pounds. Actually, I couldn't tell you if it's absence of sugar or my getting back into yoga and calisthenics in the past couple weeks, but I've lost weight. It's likely both, of course. But ditching the sugar has definitely reduced the random carb cravings. As with meat last month, I'm really not missing it—the odd wistful twinge as the manfriend enjoys a block of chocolate or an ice cream sandwich, but nothing I could classify as true temptation.

6. Klondike. I've absolutely re-addicted myself to Klondike. Found the nifty free Real Solitaire app for my iPad and both the manfriend and I can't quit. Every morning over coffee, over lunch, over beers while dinner's cooking, before bed… In fact, new Angry Birds Rio levels came out yesterday and we haven't even opened them yet—the deck's got us by the throats.

6. Crank 2. We watched this movie randomly because for whatever reason, Revolver (another Jason Statham movie) decided not to play on Instant Watcher. I can't remember the last time the manfriend was so delighted by a movie. We'd never seen the original Crank, but that didn't matter. This action movie was spastic, incessant, ridiculous, nearly seizure-inducing…but really fun. Plus it's got Statham in a fitted hoodie, running really fast, all throughout the movie. And you know what a fast-running, desperate man does to me. He also electrocutes himself with jumper cables every ten minutes or so, which I found oddly stirring.

Hope everyone's enjoying their Junes so far!

If you has, sends to me.

I Cheat for Jogglers

Right when Meager March began, I admitted that I would be cheating. Abstaining from frivolous purchases for myself alone isn't too hard, but denying myself activities with my manfriend or family or friends feels like a false economy. I also promised I'd fess up when I did cheat, which is what brings me to this post.

Today my manfriend and I went to a showing at the Salem Film Fest. I bravely resisted the concessions, so with the ticket price, my non-sanctioned frivolous purchases currently total:

$10.00

But it was completely worth it. We saw a screening of Breaking and Entering, a joyful and eccentric documentary about Guinness World Record chasers and breakers. The director, Benjamin Fingerhut, was there, so we got to enjoy a Q&A with him afterward as well. It's a charming and hilarious film that features perhaps a dozen people—a handful of them in-depth—as they pursue their record-setting dreams, battle their rivals, and go for the glory.

My favorite story within the film was the rivalry between the two world champion jogglers (they run marathons while juggling three balls), Michal Kapral and Zach Warren. It should be amazing enough to finish a national marathon in thirteenth place overall, let alone to do so while juggling. I also enjoyed the various pursuits of Ashrita Furman, the man who currently holds the Guinness World Record for holding the most Guinness World Records (108; among them, running while balancing a milk bottle on his head, slicing the most apples in mid-air with a Samurai sword, and hula-ing the largest hula hoop). An awesome doco, and surprisingly emotional.

I can't recommend this movie enough. If you have a chance to watch it, do so! For now, check out its charming trailer:

Box-o-Awesome!

Waaaaahhhhhh!

Woo hoo! Went down to start a load of laundry and found the best box ever waiting on the back steps—a slew of my very first author copies from Harlequin! I really underestimated how thrilling this would be. Like Christmas. Actually, no…Christmas morning hasn't excited me this deeply since 1989, the year my brother and I got our Nintendo (with Power Pad). This was Christmas, but as a kid again.

I also went onto Goodreads this morning to update the blurb for Caught on Camera, and discovered it's already been rated! Wow, that was quick, considering it's not out for another month. Then I realized the rating came from a Twitter acquaintance who writes book reviews for RT, among other things, which filled me with spastic, hopeful excitement. Hoo…I need some lunch. Can't be safe to get this overstimulated on an empty stomach.

Gasp! Angry Birds Seasons update: Valentine's!

The flouncy get-up doesn't detract from 

how constipated the birds often appear.

Hey, there's a new Angry Birds Seasons update out now—Valentine's Day! Available for both Apple and Droid. At first the fact that all the birds have been feminized with eyelashes and blush and bows seemed a bit patronizing, but then I decided they were just in drag. I mean, the egg-laying bird isn't normally feminine-looking, so this must be a flamboyant cross-dressing transformation. That, or I'm too focused on makeup this month. Or, I'm thinking way too hard about animated birds. Either way, go forth and download!

I haven't dug into it yet (I still have a bunch of regular Angry Birds levels to catch up on) but apparently this update includes a special Super Bowl-themed level…please please please, validate my Superb Owl fixation! Frankly, I'm already dying to see what Easter brings, given how contentious the whole egg-poaching issue is for those guys.

Awww, so sweet.

From YouTuber blau111. Thanks to my lady-cuz for the linkage:

Beer Recommendation

Though anyone could guess it after spending just thirty seconds on this nobody-blog, I will reiterate this point again: no one gives me stuff for free or pays me to mention it. Any name-brand things I recommend here are unsolicited endorsements of stuff I genuinely like.

Onward! I wanted to put in a plug for some beer that's recently shown up at my bodega (aka the corner store where I routinely appear around three in the afternoon twice a week to buy family-sized jugs of cheap merlot—yes, I am a writer). It's a newish seasonal brew from Sam Adams, called Noble Pils. I heartily concur with something the manfriend said when he first brought it home and cracked one open—I've never been particularly blown away by a Sam offering before. Their beers are generally above average (in both taste and, sadly, price), and I'm proud of them as a local enterprise. But this is the first beer I've had of theirs that is truly excellent.

I won't bore you by rehashing what I might find written about the brewing process or ingredients. I will also fess up that I'm having a bottle of it right now, and that I preceded it with a large hunk of brownie, eaten directly off the spatula over the sink. This is probably not a recommended food pairing. But anyhow, here's what I think: Noble Pils is light without tasting watery, has a faintly spicy tang to it, and I bet it tastes even better in the summer than it does now, in the midst of a blizzardy January in New England. Also, it is a gooorgeous color. Pantone 136C. Call me phallic, but I usually prefer to drink my [non-stout] beer straight out of a bottle, but for this one I'd make an exception, because it's just the prettiest honey color you've ever seen.

That's it, really. If you spot Noble Pils in a packie near you, you have my full encouragement to bring it home.

Best "New" Things This Year

Bear in mind I'm not always at the cutting edge of, well, most anything, so these are new-to-me favorites for the year, not necessarily actual new things. But anyhow, here's what topped my lists in 2010:

MOVIES District 13 (French, post-Apocalyptic-ish action, 2004), Cemetery Junction (drama, 2010), Ong-Bak (Thai, martial arts action, 2003), and Harlan County, USA (documentary, 1976).

MUSIC My boy Elvis Costello's new album, National Ransom (2010), various Lady Gaga singles, and a slew of outdated pop and hip-hop I won't embarrass myself by ennumerating.

BOOKS A Wolf at the Table by Augusten Burroughs (2008), The Shallows by Nicholas Carr (2010), 703 by Nancy Makin (2010), Attachment (2008) by Isabel Fonseca, anything by Kristan Higgins.

TV SHOWS Louis (comedy, 2010), An Idiot Abroad (reality / travel / comedy, 2010), various new-to-me seasons of Top Gear (reality, current incarnation 2002—present), seasons one through five of Say Yes to the Dress (reality, 2007–present). Oh and Hoarders, as always.

GAMES Angry Birds and Angry Birds Seasons (iPad, 2009, 2010), Mario Kart 64 (Nintendo 64 emulator, originally 1996), Machinarium (Mac, 2009), Boggle (iPad, 2010).

Thrusty Thursday: Both the dudes from Fight Quest

Doug Anderson and Jimmy Smith

Those dudes being fighters Doug Anderson and Jimmy Smith. Discovery Channel already gave my back-up husband, Survivorman's
Les Stroud as well as Dirty Jobs' Mike Rowe, and now this?! You shouldn't have!

I've mentioned Fight Quest before, I'm sure. I found this show last winter when researching a boxer character for my erotica alter ego, then revisited a few episodes this fall while deciding which martial art I wanted a current work-in-progress's romance hero to practice. It's an excellent show, which sadly only ran for one and a half seasons (2007–08). It's easy to imagine that a show about two American guys traveling around the world to try their hands at various martial arts disciplines would be chocked with swagger and ego, but Anderson and Smith are both exceedingly humble, curious, and respectful toward their foreign hosts and competitors. If you have a Netflix account and enjoy manful things like fighting, I can't recommend it enough. All thirteen episodes are on Instant Watcher—log in then click here.

Now, to the thrusting. You have a choice between the shorter 28-year-old New Jerseyite and former military bodyguard Doug Anderson, with his manfully beefy arms and chest tattoo and sideburns, or mixed martial artist Jimmy Smith, who's taller and 33 and from Los Angeles, boasting a foxy shaved head and unnecessarily impressive abdominal area. Both can kick your ass with their enviable Jiu Jitsu skillz.

But don't take my word for it. Check some footage and make your own decision.

Here's the first chunk of the boxing episode, taped in Mexico. It's long, but the short intro segment will give you a little taste for the show and its hosts.

Video Awesomeness

If you haven't seen it already, behold The Digital Story of the Nativity. Delightful! Thanks to my cuz for the heads-up.

Thrusty Thursday: Thomas Dietz

Ah, German technical juggling phenom Thomas Dietz… Truly, one of the most potent and ridiculous crushes I've harbored in the past decade. How does one stumble upon a juggling fetish, you may be asking yourself? Well, it happened to me in 2006, back when I lived in an apartment with a TV and a cable service. One of said cable service's channels was ESP2, a dumping ground for sports broadcasting of murky and miscellaneous persuasions. One afternoon while I was cleaning, I flipped channels, looking for something to keep me entertained. What should I come across but the World Juggling Federation Championship! I was entranced. I sat on the floor in front of the screen the entire time and got nothing done. Afterward I feverishly searched the guide to see when it would next be re-aired (at about two a.m. the next evening, I believe) so I could watch it again. Then I ordered the previous year's competition DVDs from the WJF website. Then I Googled Dietz and lost hours of my life watching and rewatching his ridiculous and addictive videos.

But where to go from there with such an all-powerful crush? This is pre-manfriend, I should point out; I was a free agent during the time of this most odd infatuation. Well, the next step in stalking a German juggling phenom is to convince two of your best and most up-for-it girlfriends to rent a Zip Car and take a roadtrip to Connecticut to attend the next summer's World Juggling Federation Championship, live and in person! While there, get heckled in the lobby by the attendees of the exhibition center's neighboring anime convention. Oh yes, competitive juggling is even less cool than anime. Or so they'd like you to believe.

By the time I attended the 2007 convention (of which Dietz was the overall winner, swoon) the manfriend was in the picture. It took much convincing to make him believe the tickets had been purchased well in advance of his materialization (which they had). Still, it was somewhat guiltily that I flounced off to watch Thomas Dietz in all his ball-handling, club-tossing, ring-flinging glory. Wistful sigh. He seems to have gone a bit quiet since 2008, and I can only assume it's because he's campaigning mightily to get juggling included in the 2012 Summer Olympics, a cause I would heartily support.

But talking about juggling's no good. Here are a couple of videos I downloaded forever ago, no longer available on YouTube. To the makers of said videos, if you removed them for a reason, please don't sue me. Just ask and I'll take them down.

Without further ado, world-class German jugglage:

More jugglage, plus Thomas shows you how to bake a very tall cake. He's so versatile:

Angry Birds Seasons for Apple!

More Angry Birds, you say? If you're already a fan, you may have heard that Rovio released the Christmas-themed Angry Birds game for Droid devices yesterday, leaving us Apple weenies to fret and sniffle and wait while the game was made to jump through Apple's many annoying corporate hoops before the app could be accepted and made available via their sanctioned channels. But now it's here! And if you purchased Angry Birds Halloween, the new Christmas installment won't cost you a cent, merely a free update download. I've just snagged it for my iPad, and each day a new level is unlocked, advent-calendar-style. Sigh. At least with a real advent calendar, you can cheat and gorge yourself on all the chocolate in one day. The genius game developers at Rovio seem to think we ought to practice a bit more self-control, though, and since they've provided me with so much joy, I guess I shan't grumble about it.

More info about Angry Birds Seasons for Apple here.

My Secret Girly Weakness

If you know me, you may be shouting "Top Model!" or, "Pointy-toed flats!" or, "Drinking an entire bottle of white wine by yourself when you accept a new contract!" But none of those is the female vice I'm talking about today.

Some personal favorites, left to right: Armani's Mania,

Chanel's Chance, Calvin Klein's Contradiction, Origins'

Shedonism, and Demeter's Gingerale.

Today I thought I'd chat about perfume.

Rethinking my stodgy daily routines, I went on a late run today, hoping to maximize my creative morning hours and hence my word count. It worked well, incidentally. Taking that change-mindedness a step further, after I took my shower I glanced at my faithful bottle of Armani's Mania and thought, "I think I'm in the mood for something else today." And off to the secret cabinet of shame I flounced!

The shame cabinet (Ikea, $5.99) is not as shame-filled as it once was, I'd like to assert; I've pared down my erstwhile shocking collection to a half dozen tried-and-true fragrances. I used to be easily seduced by pretty bottles, but I've wised up. Nothing's more useless than a perfume whose smell you can't stand…though I do still remember vividly a gorgeous bottle of rather rancid-smelling Modern, by Banana Republic. In fact, I just Googled it and I almost wanted to buy it all over again, just looking at that nifty atomizer and textured glass. Settle, self. Yet looking at the issue from the other direction, even if I discover the best smelling perfume ever this very afternoon, I don't think I'd buy it if it came in a fugly, chintzy bottle or bore the name of a pop star.

I still remember my very first real fragrance—Heaven by the Gap. I still have a little travel bottle of it, which I frequently use, though it fades almost immediately so it's largely fallen out of my favor. But I like it still for the same reasons I liked it the very first time I got my nostrils near it: it didn't smell like flowers or powder (unlike my Romantic Rose Teen Spirit deodorant). It smelled like soap and cleanness. And it smelled like grown-upness to my fifteen-year-old self.

Today I'm wearing Contradiction, by Calvin Klein, from the very bottle I bought when I was a junior in high school. At $90 for the real-deal eau de parfum, I believe it was the most expensive singular thing I'd ever bought for myself at the time. I saved up money from several paychecks at my first job at the local record and video store, and I cherished that bottle. I've been cherishing it for about fourteen years now, so clearly it was a sound investment. It's a nifty bottle, too—the cap's got a magnet in it! Tip for perfume newbies: if you love a scent, buy the eau de parfum over the eau de toilette whenever possible, even if the price tag smacks of highway robbery. You'll use way less and it'll last longer.

One scent I've hung onto despite its lack of lingering power is Demeter's Gingerale "pick-me-up" spray. It really does smell like gingerale, and it's fabulous. Doesn't last long, but it always gets great compliments and it's unlike anything else I've found.

A scent I also like which is almost too lingery is Shedonism by Origins. A stupid name, but a wonderful fragrance, not like anything I've smelled elsewhere. I actually discovered it when I asked a woman on the subway what she was wearing. I don't usually like flower-based perfumes, but the tiare scent plus bergamot is gorgeous…if a bit potent. I can't spray it directly on myself, as the atomizer's too excitable and the oils (it's marketed as a "floral essence" as opposed to an eau de toilette) don't fade like an alcohol-based fragrance. I have to finesse the sprayer until a bead of it forms, then dab that on. Any more is just too strong.

Oh another quick tip: shop for fragrances on eBay or designer auction sites. Perfume has one of the highest mark-ups in manufacturing, but you can frequently get a great deal on an "opened, used once" bottle that someone bought or received as a gift, only to discover it wasn't for them.

Somewhat related, for a long, long time my mom has waxed nostalgic over her favorite perfume, now extinct—Hypnotique (Max Factor, 1958). So a couple of years ago I tracked a bottle down via a British thrift shop's rickety website. It was a tricky prospect…I mean they stopped making it in the eighties, so the bottle I bought was at least twenty years old. But it was my mom's sixtieth birthday so I took a chance. It paid off. She says it smells exactly how she remembers, and she wears it at least once a week.

Another personal favorite of mine is Chanel's Chance. It's pretty and complex, but I only wear it if I'm dressing up for a wedding or what passes for a classy party in my exceedingly casual circle of friends. Chance smells too…too dressed up for everyday wear. Still, it's lovely when I find an excuse to dab some on.

nilly the way I used to. The one that got me to settle down. It's a light but sexy perfume featuring, to quote the designer's blurb, "laurel, mandarin, and pink spice combined with feminine notes of lily of the valley, peony, and contemporary cedar, amber, and musk". No clue what pink spice or contemporary cedar are, but the overall effect is great, as far as my nose is concerned. One spray is exactly the right amount, and it's an eau de parfum so it lasts nicely. Pretty bottle, too.

So that's it. Anyone else got a favorite go-to scent?

For now, I'm off to indulge another girlie vice—I've just discovered that Say Yes to the Dress is on Netflix Instant Watcher. The wine in the kitchen and my dwindling afternoon hours don't stand a chance.

Angry Birds…Halloween!

Just as I was lamenting finishing Angry Birds, what does Rovio do but come out with a special Halloween installment! And not just a few measly holiday-themed screens, but an entire episode (as the game calls its collections of levels).

Let me back up. For those who don't know what Angry Birds is, it's the awesomest game I've played in a long time…well, since Machinarium. Which wasn't all that long ago. But it's way different than that! I explained it a bit in an older post so I won't go into it here, except to say that if you've got an iPhone or iPad, go and get it now! The App Store charges a pittance for it, and I suspect that when the Android version is released it'll be free, much the way the original game was. Here's a little taste of its spooktasticalz: