I take a lot of flak from my extended family-in-law for my desire to squeeze round birds. Not to hurt the birds, mind you. Just to, you know…squeeze them. Gently. In my cupped hands. My cousins like to paint this as sexual deviance, but that's because they themselves are perverts. Ignorant perverts, trying to shift focus from their own issues. My bird-squeezing inclinations are one hundred percent nurturing. I mean, look at old Huggums up there, and tell me you don't want to give him a little squeeze. Just look at his thumbs!
Okay, technical stuff: this bird is not called Huggums, he is actually called a buff-breasted sandpiper. He does not have thumbs. He is not actually looking to get squozen, but rather he's performing his species' [hilarious] armpit-flashing mating dance. Photo credit to the talented Gerrit Vyn.
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